Epic Fails

Had a funny one today. I pulled my finger out yesterday and got going on my Kimril (he of slaying fame) with a black undercoat and some grimy/rusty chainmail. I wasn't sure about the idea of a dwarf not buffing his armour, but let it go having considered the drunken nature of your average slayer perhaps impacting on armour-cleaning time, etc., so went with it. I got to a point from which I could tidy up later to improve the look, so I took a stab at his mohican and beard. I wanted to go for a nice contrasting colour to the silver and orange brown I was expecting to end up with on the chainmail so plumped for a purple to pink to white combo. I wanted gritty so I worked from a dark base. The result was - sadly - utter shite. I have since sent him to the well of eternal dettol and will go at him again once he has repented and/or drunk his way out. Here he is in all his shame prior to his banishment:

Another epic fail today relates to my adventures in vegan cooking. I've been 11 weeks a vegan now and it's been enjoyable. I'm cooking stuff that's completely new to me but cooking well as I'm quite a decent home cook thank you very much. I've realised that Indian cooking is the best way for me, especially as I enjoy learning to cook with different ingredients. Generally speaking, I've been quick enough to realise that the best way of approaching veganism (for me at least) is to avoid substitutes like Quorn and whatever. The main reason is that they're pretty shite, but I also think that such a change is better made by learning new skills rather than cooking the same old same old with a replacement product which is (inevitably) inferior to the original meat product. It's far more rewarding. So I'm a bit pissed off with myself for having my will bent by a desire to replicate BBQ pulled pork. Recently there's a bit of excitement in vegan circles over a pulled pork substitute called jackfruit. This fruit in its young and green state offers a strand-like texture and look, and little or no taste. It is available in tins from Chinese supermarkets for something like a quid a tin. As much I have been pulling away from the old dishes I loved, this one pulled me back in with huge hopes for something that has - anecdotally - tricked meat-eaters into thinking they were eating pork. So I cooked it tonight. And to be fair, it looks massively like pulled pork. And the homebrew BBQ sauce I made is boss. But the initial texture of the fruit, not dissimilar to pulled pork, quickly becomes mush. And apart from holding some BBQ flavour, it's pretty insubstantial stuff. My stepson doesn't like it at all, saying it made him think of mushy fruit. Mango to be precise. I'll have to question him on his sudden expertise on fruit, mango especially, but I can see his point. But his reaction was tame compared to my wife, who almost gagged and had to gob it up into a tissue. Strong stuff that - a definite statement! The worst I ever heard from her about my food before tonight was that a dish had been salty. Perhaps on a couple of occasions we agreed I wouldn't make a dish again, but that's an issue of preference. This was physical dislike. Horrendous 😞. Anyway, I'll eat it tomorrow with nachos and pretend cheese (still kidding myself). The original recipe can be found at http://minimalistbaker.com/bbq-jackfruit-sandwiches-with-avocado-slaw/. I should credit them with a hashtag too: #minimalistbaker. Fair play to the blogger for the attempt, but I see this stuff as the Emperor's New Clothes. Shame. Here's the result alongside a killer BBQ sauce:

Back to the daal and stuff I reckon!